I <3 Kyotofu

During my short week in New York City, a friend of a friend took us to eat at a French American restaurant by the name of Breton Bar -- highly recommend; interior is lovely too. For dessert, we headed towards Kyotofu! (They also serve real food). I had the soymilk ice cream sundae with yummy Japanese-infused whipped cream, berry compote, and matcha mochi. YUMMY! (They also deliver! Am tempted to fork over the money for a delivery of their yummy desserts.) Having the sweet tooth that I have, I found that their desserts were sweet but not overpowering. And, somehow, with all the soy and green tea, I even felt healthy digging into my sundae! It is a shame I haven't yet found a similar place in San Francisco, though I await the next time I return to NYC.

Getting into Politics

Is it just me or have people told me all my life (in the last 4 years or so) that I should go into politics? The most common responses I get are that I should consider a career in law, politics, or a behind-the-scenes career for the first two items. BIZARRE, considering I never once considered doing either things and never imagined myself in such roles. I mean, really, me? A lawyer? (I barely survived undergrad, ain't trying to get into no law school and pore over hours/days/months/years worth of law.) And, politics? Sheesh. (I had to force myself to become diplomatic while managing a household of 40 while in college... not sure if I can handle that in the public spotlight.) So, I don't know where folks are coming up with such looney ideas, but I appreciate the support and confidence. I mention this because a good friend of mine from high school, Almaz, came up with that idea earlier tonight! Silly people. (I am not that ambitious.)

HOWEVER, I do have ambitions of becoming a Victim's Advocate with the DA's Office in the Victim Services Unit. That is about as much law and politics I wanna get involved in.

Although... I did, once upon a time in high school, consider becoming a lobbyist for social issues and social welfare. But, quickly gave that up because... well, I don't know why. Must've lost interest and didn't have enough interest to begin with.

Anyway. Now that people have mentioned this to me on several occasions, I do sometimes wonder if that is the path I should have chosen. (I mean, I'm young, so I still can. But - y'know. It's not in my thoughts nearly as long as social welfare or public policy has been. So. Sorry law and politics. You're getting the boot.)

Have you ever had a similar experience? Have lots of people told you to get into a particular profession that you've never dreamed of?

Wicked!

If you've not seen the musical yet. YOU MUST.

LOOOOOOVED it.

I lurved it.

Amazing cast. Amazing singing. dancing. acting. Just great.

However... it totally ruined The Wizard of Oz for me. Can't see Dorothy with her little red sparkly shoes the same way anymore. It's like finding out the back story to some scandalous gossip. Ruins the mystery. Knowing the truth.

But, of course. This is all a work of fiction. I just take it so seriously sometimes.

I need to watch it again sometime.

Driving Me Insane

Two weeks after returning from a semi-relaxing trip to the east coast and I still can't shake this nagging feeling that I do not belong at home in San Francisco right now.

I. Need. To. Move.

It pains me to be here in the wonderful SF all the while knowing that I need more time away.

Blame it on college life. Blame it on newfound independence. Blame it on my parents. Reality is, I don't have the means to live on my own. Truth is, I need to start thinking about what I want to do with myself and I'm beginning to put the pieces together.

Right here. In SF.

But it pains me continually each time I am reminded of New York City. Or even Boston and DC. And it doesn't take much to remind me of the east coast. I have friends in the east coast. I have postcards from the east coast. Several movies I own are set in the east coast. I have travel guides for New York City. I have Sex and the City! (The movie and the book about the movie).

To quote Carrie Bradshaw (from the movie), "I'm an emotional cutter."

I'm straddling two worlds - the one at home in good old SF and the potential home in fantasized NYC. But I make it harder on myself by grabbing for things that only remind me of where I wish I could be. Am I capable of cutting myself off the NYC dream train? (That's a tough question).

I don't have the answers.

I only know one thing.

When I want something really badly, I won't let up.

But does that mean I won't survive spending the next couple years in SF? Of course not!

Just this past Friday I reacquainted myself with an old high school friend - Genn - and she introduced me to the Mission in a way that I have never experienced before. I don't know how I spent 22 years in SF and never really spent any time in the Mission. We walked for miles and chatted for hours. I really needed that outing.

And, could it be? Could my love for SF be renewed in one afternoon?

Maybe.

How I handle the next couple or so years here will be interesting. I only hope that I reconcile myself to a life in SF, because it is terribly painful to straddle two cities and two selves.

I am NOT a Ping Pong BALL.

Meanwhile... I keep dreaming up dreams about life in New York City as a resident with my new-old good friend Genn. And small apartments that we'll decorate into gorgeous live-work spaces creating magical works of art through sun-lit rooms. Sounds like perfection to me.

Pleeease, allow me to dream.

(And I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't admit that it hurts me so much to be home that sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. It hurts a lot more now that my closest friends aren't near me, either because of a full schedule, or, quite literally, they're far, far away.)

(And I'd definitely be lying to myself if I didn't admit that a depression might come on if I don't snap out of it fast! I NEED to find reasons to stay in SF; I NEED to convince myself that my life belongs here, for now; I NEED to survive through this. Somehow.)

My Truths -- Welcome

Welcome to my new blog. Completely dedicated to my musings, my insights, my realizations, and my truths. I tell it like it is. I say what I know and what I think. Honesty is my policy and that's what you're here for: a big helping of Shirley Says.

I first started blogging with blogger two years ago about my crafting adventures and recently expanded to a fashion blog. I quickly realized I needed an outlet just for my personal thoughts. Real. Honest. Unedited. Just the real Shirley speaking from the heart. No screens or filters.

Please join me each time as something new unfolds. Or perhaps a revisit to my past.